She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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