Porn is love you can see.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
