after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
