it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize