PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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