they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize