im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
