lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
PANTIES FOUND
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