Its about making memories worth repressing
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
