Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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