I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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