im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
