Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
