First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
