She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your penis caused this!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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