This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
