And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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