I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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