She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
do nipples grow back?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
