he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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