Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize