I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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