if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
