I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
