i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
