Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
