wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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