i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
