then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
