She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
