somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize