Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
