I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
