I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
