Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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