So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And then he peed in my hair
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