I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
