Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
