You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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