I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
