I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
