We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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