grandma shit on top of the toilet
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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