I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
