he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
