Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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