my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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