1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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