I'm drive I can fine osifer
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
