I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
