Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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