she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
