imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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