idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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