Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
