Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
