dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
