You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i barfeds in our rink
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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