So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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