I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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