But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
