The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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