if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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