Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
