So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
