You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
