Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
